Beauty and Fear - week in Vienna

Eileen and I are just back from a week in Vienna. I have not digested most of the experiences. We got to see my very good friend Jack -- the Rabbi that married Eric to me. We wandered streets and took streetcars. We went to a cafe and ate pastries. We were there for Jewish holidays.

The time there reminded me that the Holocaust is not that long ago, and that the Austrians, especially, have not come to terms with their role in this. Growing up Jewish, I often was asked to stand for the prayer remembering the dead (the Kaddish) to remember the people lost during the Holocaust. Before moving to Europe I had come to the conclusion that the religious that died in the Holocaust would be uncomfortable with me remembering people with whom I was not related and had no real knowledge, while the non-religious probably wouldn't care. The Holocaust was a tragedy, and another black period in the black and gray history of being Jewish. I cannot, then, reconcile that set of beliefs with how it feels to be in Europe in a synagogue that has been restored or newly built since they were mostly vandalized or destroyed in the past 60 years. I cannot tell you how it feels to have to pass pretty heavy security, passing police vehicles, answering questions because the synagogue has been bombed in the last 20 years and 25% of the parliament considers itself to be fascist/pro-Nazi. I can tell you that it takes an amazing trust in G-d to be raising your children Jewish in Vienna (even more than Amsterdam -- where there are also security issues and that horrible shadow still looms). I can tell you that I am now standing for Kaddish at every opportunity.

But, the smudge that is the Jewish-European history (and it is much longer than 60 years) doesn't diminish the wonder and awe that I feel from seeing Vienna. If Amsterdam is a dense, sweet, fruit-studded cake, Vienna is a wedding cake -- all Baroque and imposing. It is awe inspiring. The music opportunities are just as amazing.

I'll probably write another blog post on this once I have digested the trip more. For the time being, I am only sure that it takes a person of more faith than I have to give birth to and raise a Jewish child in today's Europe. I guess we are not likely to stay on forever.